Hello again. I wanted to write a brief introduction about myself. I realize that I have some new readers, and this may also be helpful to those of you who have been around for a while.
Let us get to it. How about we imagine that we are at our café again (to those of you who are new, I like to create sceneries).
We are at our café catching up, after all, so much has happened. We are seated right by the window where the sunlight dances between the leaves of the trees, creating beautiful shadows on our table. I order a pomegranate tea with a slice of lemon cake, and you will have your favourite summer drink and a pastry that even I begin to wonder if I should get some for myself.
Are you seeing it?
Good, let us continue.
Soon, a newcomer arrives. We offer them a seat and I begin to officially introduce myself.
Hi, you can call me Anna. I was born in Jamaica and moved to the United States at the age of 12. I am 24 years old and I am working on getting my bachelor’s in nursing.
It is strange, but I always imagined myself living in America. I cannot explain it. As a child, most nights before drifting asleep, I would see myself at an American school.
When I was younger, I never thought that there was something that I could not achieve because of the colour of my skin. I may have thought it impossible because I did not have the money, but never because of my physical attributes.
However, there was a time that I wished that I had been born a coolie (a Jamaican term for a person who has a parent who is black and another who is of Indian decent).
I loved that their skin was either my shade or slightly lighter, while their hair was dark black, shiny, and long.
Eventually, I would look in the mirror and decide that I was beautiful just the way I was.
However, I would at times say that if I could change something about myself, it would be my skin.
Not for the reasons you think. I have extremely sensitive skin and though it has gotten less sensitive as I got older, it still has its moments.
During the Jamaican summer, I could always expect rashes. I would also have to watch what products I used, what fabric and style clothes that I would wear, what I ate, and eventually I would have to observe my stress levels.
Sometime down the road, I would conclude that my sensitive skin forced me to become more aware and intentional in my choices. Products with chemicals were used less and I had to work on my emotional, mental, and physical stress factors.
I had to learn about myself. I still have a long way to go, but I did learn that I was an introvert.
I realized that I was God’s work and to change anything on me would be to change His work.
I related it to me completing a project and leaving it to attend to something only to return to have someone tinker with it.
Needless to say, that person would see a different side to me. So, I aimed to be thankful and grateful for my skin, my hair, big brown eyes, dimples, and more.
This conclusion took years to come by and I do have to remind myself about such revelations from time to time.
Fast forward, in 2013, I moved to the United States. I quickly realized that my attitude would have to change for two reasons:
Reason #1: I would be attending the same high school that my mother taught at. Thus, I knew that my actions would reflect on her.
Reason #2: This was a foreign land. My views on life was different. It was better to listen, learn their ways, and conform as needed.
You see, I am the only child to my mother, the first grandchild to my maternal grandparents, and first niece to my maternal aunts and uncles. I was opinionated when it was called for and I did not shy away from the truth. I went to an elite enough all-girl high school (Jamaican high schools started at grade 7) and in order to get into high school at the time, one had to take a two day four subject examination; it’s results determined what high school you would be placed in. Thus, I was an outspoken, competitive, sociable, and some might even add a spoilt little girl.
To my 12-year-old self, it was clear. I did not have the same rights; my ways would have to change. Slowly, I became quieter and reserved. I applied myself to my schoolwork and chatting with friends from back home. The latter opened my eyes to the various online platforms.
As a result of my academic determination, I was placed into honour and AP courses.
I did not talk much but I always joked internally about my different personalities. If you should find a classmate from Jamaica and a classmate from America, I can guarantee you that you would think that they spoke of two different individuals.
However, I was usually my old self around my family and a Trinidadian friend that I had made. She made high school wonderful.
Graduation came around and though I was qualified for many scholarships in terms of academics, my visa and financial status limited my options. With my visa, I would have more options at larger universities, but those costs money. Additionally, I could not apply for a scholarship nor financial aid because of my visa status.
Thus, I stayed at a local college near home.
Later in life, as a result of errors on my documents and time, I had to switch to a new visa which opened more opportunities, but again, even though larger and more experienced universities would have been able to accommodate my situation, there was still the financial factor. More on my international Journey (H4 to F1 visa) can be found here: Part One & Part Two.
This is interesting, as a person once told me that I was the ultimate target. Why? I am a black, immigrant, female, that dressed modestly. By modest, I mean that I only wear skirts which go up to a certain length and my head is covered.
However, I must be honest, most of my hardships in this country has been a result of my visa status.
When I went into nursing school, I soon realized my mistake. I had kept to myself so much that I found it hard to assert myself in certain situations. I needed to find a balance.
I analyzed my feelings, and many times I thought it easy to go back home. There, I could speak freely with people who not only looked like me, but for the most part, thought like me.
Additionally, I would not have to hold my tongue at certain comments or political issues, I would not have visa issues as that was my country. There, I had rights.
Sure, things would be harder financially and I would probably suffer another culture shock because I had not been home in so long, but in the heat of it, I thought it best.
Each year brought a new hurdle. However, I am reminded of my previous example. God placed me here, and these things come to make me stronger and better.
Through it all, I know that God is with me and that He is both faithful and able.
After nursing school, I kid you not, the day after my pinning, I felt different.
I felt like the confident and assertive person I once was.
I had come to find a way of some sort of balance: Praying and Simply Anna Reece.
I prayed for strength, humility, forgiveness for self and others, and more.
Attitude is Everything. New Day. New Strength. New Thoughts.
I started Simply Anna Reece as a place where I could have a voice. I created it to share information on my journey as an international student and through nursing school. I also wanted to share my organizational skills and creativeness in order to encourage others.
I hope to inspire and show others that amid chaos, uncertainty, and the so-called logistics of society, God is here.
Many have literally died so that we as the new generation can live and create something better for the generation to come.
Maybe at that time, my 12-year-old change was the right thing for me, but now it is time to metamorphosize yet again. Now, we are at a crossroad both as individuals and as a society.
Step by step, line by line, precept upon precept, we will have to learn from our past during our present in order to make a bright new future.
It will not be easy, nor will it happen overnight. We all have things we need to let go of and things we need to apply.
It took me time to come to appreciate my hair and truly love the skin I am in ( I am still working on it).
It took me time to realize my personal attributes of being a perfectionist and an introvert.
It took me time to realize the purpose of my struggles as an international student.
It will take me time to find a balance between knowing when to listen and when to speak, but not because I am fearful, but at times, there is wisdom in silence. It is in silence that one is able to listen to self and others around them. It is in silence that one can observe and digest the small details while understanding the bigger picture.
Then when the time is right, you will be able to apply what you know and what you have learnt.
You will be better equipped to gather the needed resources, and then, not only will you speak, but you will also do. After all, actions speak louder than words.
There will be times when I/we will regress, but true failure is not getting back up after one has fallen.
Whoever you are, whatever you are able to supply, it matters.
As we begin to rebuild from the current events, learn, observe, and conform as needed do not push yourself too much; everything in moderation.
I now turn to you; do you have anything to share?
We soon pay our bill and head out. The warmth of the sun ignites new hope and new opportunities.
It was nice to catch up with you. Nice to be embraced again.
All the best; that is it for now. Until next time, peace be.
~Simply Anna Reece.
Comments